


But You Still Love Her

by cosmicaces



Category: Gigantic (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 19:51:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13084176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicaces/pseuds/cosmicaces
Summary: It was an accident. You never intended to fall in love with her, but you did. It wasn't your fault, though. No, you could have never expected it to happen.





	But You Still Love Her

**Author's Note:**

> Two things!  
> 1.) This is in Beckett's POV.  
> 2.) There are no quotation marks around dialogue.

****

It was an accident. You never intended to fall in love with her, but you did. It wasn't your fault, though. No, you could have never expected it to happen.

It was just the spur of the moment, you mused. The quick kiss you exchanged held no meaning. All it was was excess adrenaline blended in with the joy of surviving that fight. Yet...you felt something. You didn’t notice it at first. Instead, you were noticing more things about her. Small things. The way her eye would light up when a joke was exchanged. The absent reaches for her weapon. The quiet smiles she’d pass.

Soon, you were stealing glances. It was a subtle change, your gaze traveling from an area of interest before resting on her. Luckily for you, she never noticed. At least, you hoped that she never noticed.

****

One day, you had almost gotten yourself killed.

Your plan would've worked. If you had only acted a little sooner...but she wasn't listening. This was the first time you've seen her angry.

She scolded you as you wiped your bloody nose. You're too reckless. Too unprofessional. You need to change. You tuned her out. You laughed. You left.

It was something you had been expecting, but despite your mental preparation, it stung worse than any hit you've ever taken.

That night, you finally realized it.

You loved her.

And that's why you cried that night.

It was stupid, you told yourself. You rarely cried, and when you did it was for a good reason. This was not a good reason. You couldn't stop. It was stupid.

The next day, you were fine. Sure, you felt hollow, but you were soon able to fill that space with new thrills. New heights. You felt free. You promised yourself that you weren't going to do anything like that again. From this point on, you did what you want.

****

A few years went by and you found yourself caught up in the power races. Of course, you weren't in it for the victory, the pride and glory. You were in it for the spoils. The things they offered were too good to turn down. Your one concern was falling in combat. The priests assured you that the guardian would resurrect you, but you couldn't help having your doubts.

You were giving yourself a pep talk when you saw her. You tried to ignore her, to pretend that she wasn't there, but it didn't work. Your heart was thudding.

If she noticed you, she made no sign. No expression change, no double glances. Nothing. You should be thankful for that. It bothered you. Actually, you couldn't tell what you were feeling. Anger Disappointment? ...Joy?

You tried to ignore it.

You couldn't.

****

Over the next couple of days, you found yourself brooding over her. You knew that it was inevitable, having to work with her again. You didn’t really want to. At least, you think you didn’t. Your thoughts and feelings were really confusing. This wasn’t like you. Just, stop thinking about her. Needless to say, it was easier said than done.

Moments passed, and you found yourself thinking about her again. Her stoic expression. The way in which she carried herself...the way she ignored you.

You buried your face in your hands, groaning. Why was this bothering you so much? You haven’t talked to her in years. It didn’t make any sense. None of it made sense. Was there something that you were missing?

****

You still love her.

****

It was almost just like that night when you realized it. Laying on your back, hands folded across your stomach as you stared up at the sky, only this time, it was a ceiling. Only this time, you didn’t cry. Only this time, you were bitter.

You could still hear her calling you reckless.

Scowling, you turned onto your side. Despite her words echoing in your mind, you didn’t think it was her you were angry at.

No.

You were angry at yourself.

****

You were standing there in an awkward silence, waiting for the airship to carry you to your next location. Words you wanted to say formed in your head but soon died at your lips. Maybe it was for the best. It tore at you. The wait was going to kill you.

She said something to you. You were so absorbed in your thoughts that you almost missed it. It was a simple question.

How have you been? You wanted to ignore her.

I’ve been better. You paused. You repeated her question. She’s been doing alright. Neither of you said much else.

It was going to be a long day.

****

You told her you kinda missed working with her. It was something that’s been on your mind since the last few power races, but it wasn’t something you meant to ever tell her. You added emphasis on the kinda. No response.

For some reason, that really got to you. You wanted her to agree. To at least show _something_. You scoffed. Next time, you weren’t going to bother.

****

But you did.

****

And you did again.

****

You leaned against the railing, staring up at the moon, lost in thought. Why did you do that? You knew that the guardian would have been able to revive her. You've seen them do it. So why did you take the hit? It was the spur of the moment. You were both injured. And yet, instead of fleeing like any other person, you ran to her. And took the hit.

It was reckless. There was no denying that. God, there was no arguing that in front of her. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.

Footsteps sounded from behind you. At first, you thought it was just someone heading to a different door, but they were getting closer. There was someone next to you. You glanced over to acknowledge their presence. It was as if fate wanted to torture you. You groaned.

Of course it was her.

At first, you tried to ignore her. After all, she could just be out for a breath of fresh air or to see the view.

No, it was clear she wanted to talk.

What are you doing out here? It’s late.

I know. You tapped your finger against the railing. What about you? you asked.

I was looking for you. It was clear what she wanted to talk about. It was clear that you didn't. Despite knowing this, you asked anyways.

Why. You were hoping that she would decide that maybe, just maybe, now wouldn’t be a great time. There would never be a great time to talk about it.

She leaned against the railing, looking at you, pondering what to say. There wasn't going to be a good way to put it.

I wanted to ask you something. She paused. Earlier, you could've saved yourself. Instead, you took a hit that was meant for me. Why? You tightened your lips.

I don't know. You said it quietly. You really didn't want to talk about it.

It was-

Reckless. I know. There was a sharp twinge in your chest.

You saved me.

The guardian would have revived you.

I know. That doesn't mean I don't have to appreciate what you did, as reckless as it was. You lowered your head. She put a hand on your shoulder. Thanks.

You were alone again.

****

Despite having convinced yourself that it didn't matter, her words still touched you. Then again, it had an impact on you; did it really not matter? You reasoned with yourself for a few minutes before deciding that no, it didn’t. Yes, you felt something, but it was just a feeling. After all, those words could’ve come from anybody.

But they came from her.

You started debating with yourself before deciding that it wasn’t worth it. Or maybe it was?-no. No. You turned over in your bed, covering your head with your pillow.

At this rate, you weren’t going to get any sleep.

****

The next morning, you were drinking a cup of tea when she walked over, asking if she could sit with you. You didn’t say anything, but you gestured to the empty seat across from you.

A few minutes had passed before you pointed out that there were empty tables. Why sit with me?

You were alone. She tapped her fingers against the table. I figured that you would appreciate a little company. You sipped your tea thoughtfully.

Thanks. You did. You are. ...Are you?

****

It became a routine and, with each day, you talked more. Asking small, simple questions. How are you? How’s the weather? Do you have any plans later?

Scratch that last one. You wanted to ask that. You couldn't bring yourself to.

****

One day, you did.

****

Just like old times, huh?

Yeah. You paused. Kinda.

Snow crunched beneath your feet as you walked with her. At times like this, you wished you had a coat like hers. Yours didn't do much for the cold and your turtleneck didn't help much either. At least you were spending time with her.

Still don't like the cold? You laughed.

No. She smiled at you and your heart skipped a beat. Tactical reasons aside, why do you like the cold?

It gives me an excuse to bundle up. The look in her eye hardened. You could tell that there was another reason, but you doubted it would be a good idea to ask.

Just then, you stepped on something icy and lost your balance, falling into a snowbank. It's a good thing you decided against bringing your jetpack.

Are you alright?

I'm fine. You tried to stand up. Uh, c-can I have some help? She stifled a laugh, but helped you up nonetheless. You were absolutely freezing. C-can we go back to the airship?

You were still holding her hands.

****

You were back on the airship. The lights were dim, being that it was late, but you didn't care about that. All you cared about was getting inside.

But she asked you to wait.

So, here you are. Standing on the deck. With her. She was thanking you.

Its nice to walk around with some company. You nodded, rubbing the back of your head. There were butterflies in your stomach. Sorry for keeping you out here in the cold. She told you goodnight.

But you asked her to wait.

Now, here you are. Standing on the deck. And, without thinking, you kissed her.

****

What were you thinking?! Why did you do that? How were you going to talk to her after that?

You rolled onto your side, staring at the wall. Your face was still flushed with embarrassment. Your lips still held the memory of hers.

You rolled over onto your other side. Stop thinking about it. Just pretend that it didn’t happen.  
But you knew that you couldn’t. You can’t.

****

She took the seat across from you. As usual, she was right on time. However, she didn’t greet you. No questions, either. Just...silence.

You could already feel your face getting hot.

Say something.

Anything.

Hey. Your voice was soft. You were staring at your reflection.

Hi. It was awkward for the both of you.

I, uh. You paused. You were at a loss for words. Should you apologize? Let her know that you had no idea what came over you? Maybe. It sounded like a good idea, but bringing it up again wasn’t too ideal for you.

You still apologized.

For what? You were taken aback by her response.

For, you know— she rested her cheek against her hand, wearing a bemused expression. The butterflies were in your stomach again. —when I...the kiss. You could feel your face getting flushed. I didn't—just... you paused, taking a few seconds to gather yourself; you hated faltering in your confidence. ...think nothing of it.

Her silence got to you. As always.

I'm gonna go.

****

Beckett.

You stopped, turning to look at her. It seemed that even she was at a loss for words. You could see it in the way she moved, the quiet intake of breath that fell short of becoming words, the lost look in her eye. Have you ever seen her like this? You couldn't recall.

No, no...you could recall.

It was the first kiss you shared. You had been beaming with excitement when you kissed her, your hands cupping her cheeks for a few seconds even after you pulled away. In that moment, you didn't pay much attention to it. Her expression. Hell, it was all just a blur in your mind.

There was barely any distance between you. The sudden closeness left your knees weak. You wanted some space, but you craved her presence. You missed having her so close…

Then, without warning, she cupped your face and kissed you.

****

You tensed up in surprise before easing into the kiss, leaning into her. As you wrapped your arms around her waist, she wrapped her arms around your neck. Every part of you yearned to pick her up, to hold her close, but you resisted it. This was the first time you didn’t instigate a kiss, and you wanted to enjoy it for as long as you could.

When she pulled away, you couldn’t help but steal yourself a second kiss. It seemed that she didn’t mind, either; you could feel her hand sneaking up the back of your head, her fingers getting tangled in your hair. Tears welled up in your eyes. God, you hadn’t felt this ecstatic in so long.

Now you pulled away, looking at her with lovestruck eyes. Slowly, she cupped your face again, wiping away the few tears that streaked down your face.

I love you. The words breathlessly passed your lips. Seeing her respond with a soft smile made your heart swell up with joy.

I love you too.


End file.
